misandryinhaiku:

“women are weaklings!”

i’m strong enough to carry

your corpse to the woods

amoying:

the bags under my eyes are so heavy because they carry the weight of all my dead hopes and dreams

shutupaubrey:

cereal goes before milk i’m pretty sure it’s in the 10 commandments

bonerbabe:

boy moans are so nice

(Source: bonerbae)

penguinize:

no matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s i’m still gonna eat it

seifukucat:

i wear the maid outfit in this relationship

niallhortonhearsawho:

a girl walks into a classroom wearing a spaghetti strap shirt. immediately every boy within a 50 yard radius gets a raging erection. the teacher attempts to present a lesson but to no avail, no one can hear over the sound of every male student masturbating to this girl’s shoulders. why couldn’t she just wear a long sleeved shirt

atala:

is shipping a sport?

because i get injuries from it

in my heart

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest

(Source: gaskarthseyebrows)